Penelope, our very own and worlds first Underwear Agony Aunt,
has been really busy with your underwear problems and related
issues.
We felt after a year of hard agony auntieing, it was about time
to share some of her most notable exchanges, so that we could
all learn from other peoples pant dilemmas and tales from beneath
the belt. Be warned, Pen is a lady with balls, and she doesn't
suffer fools or men gladly....
Dear Pen
I have been so unlucky with my last six girlfriends. Every time
I have a new date and we start to get serious, she gets one look
at my underwear and the next thing I know she off like a shot.
I admit my old supermarket smalls are about three years old, but
I do wash them every week.
D Bell - Leics UK
Dear D
I think we have here a classic example of pound wise penny stupid,
no doubt you spend a small fortune on each of your new friends,
meals, cinema, flowers etc. but when it comes to that intimate
second skin, you seem happy to spend about 50 pence per year!
I suggest you urgently check out our Slinky Monkey shorts, that
not only look expensive, but the silk like feel would prevent
any friction with your new friends as you get to know each other.
Luv Pen
Dear Pen
I am a team member of our local football Sunday league team. Whilst
changing at every match I have noticed that my mates all seem
to have far better pants than I do. I am not the most confident
of people and was wondering if you could suggest what I should
wear from your range to make more of a confident statement in
the changing room.
I Cooling -London UK
Dear I
Firstly congratulations for spotting what your friends had already
realised - good undies just boost your self-confidence no end.
I think we need to get you into something that will take you from
a defensive position to being an all out striker. Try our Yellow
or Orange thongs - these will add colour to your character and
show that you have the confidence to show more cheek these days
- It should also greatly improve your chances of scoring !
Luv Pen
Dear Pen
I am Gods gift to women, they just don't know how lucky they are,
I can improve anyone's life just by being in it, and as size matters
- I guess I am what you would call very significant. I just wanted
you to know that If you ever get lonely I will be waiting for
you to show you a good time.
J Wilson - Hayes UK
Dear J
I was relieved to find that you are not on our customer list as
I would hate to be totally offensive to a fellow monkey wearer.
My guess is that you buy pants that cost about £50 a piece (probably
equivalent to your I.Q.) form brand names you cant pronounce and
no doubt keep two pairs of socks down there as well to make up
for your inadequate personality. If I ever get lonely enough to
contact you, I hope it will be via my will.
Pen
Dear Pen
This is an embarrassing problem to talk about so email is kind
of ideal for me. I have always been well endowed - not that means
anything, but I love to wear shorts but I find that by the end
of the day I am hanging out of the fly. I know I could wear briefs
or tangas, but I like the more complete coverage of a pair of
shorts - What Can I do.
M. Parry - Wolverhampton UK
Dear M
Its nice to find someone who for once is not making a flag pole
out of a walking stick, if you know what I mean. I think your
solution is to be found in our flyless shorts - either the iron
range or our classic pouch shorts. All of them use cotton / lycra
so you get lots of support, but the full coverage of a short and
no early exit point for your companion. Try them and let me know
how you get on, If your not busy tomorrow I could call on by and
try a fitting.
Lots of love Pen
Dear Pen
I am always getting deep flesh markings where my waist band sits
on me, but if the actual fit of the pants fabric is always so
loose. I normally buy my pants from the local market, so I know
I probably only have myself to blame for this.
K Thomas
Dear K
It is difficult to be sure of the cause of this problem, but there
are two possibilities. It may be that you are putting on too much
weight around the middle (all too common with men I'm afraid)
so the waistband is actually too small for your body size. If
this is the case I would suggest getting down the gym in such
as our swim to gym wear shorts, that don't have a waistband on
the outside next to your skin and are made of heavy quality cotton
lycra. Burn up those calories working out or even swimming - without
any nasty band marks at the end of it. If its not the weight problem,
then it could be you have been buying very poor quality pants
that are made cheaply by skimping on the waist elastic they put
into each pair. The result is waistus strangliuos, which can lead
to reduced blood flow to the lower half of the body, giving a
droopy look to moor than your shorts. I always say look after
your body bits and they will always look up to you!
Luv Pen
Dear Pen
I have been married for ten years now and love my wife deeply,
but over the last few years we have gotten into a rut as far as
love making goes - have you any suggestions as to what we can
do underwear wise to spice things up a bit ?
C Sherwin - Austin TX USA
Dear J
Don't worry about this, it is entirely natural to get a little
bored with any routine. I suggest trying our "romance in your
pants" offer that gets you a his and hers pair of slinky monkeys
- these are dark, silky and very sexy. Both try wearing these
in bed one night and just see how much you can slide around on
each other without "progressing" any further. If you are feeling
a bit more adventurous we have the camouflage thong for you and
camouflage mini short for her, try alternate turns of stalking
each other around the house before finally going "commando", for
an extra twist swap her the thongs and add shoe polish as battle
paint. You will be literally fighting her off before you know
it.
Luv pen
If You have any underwear related problems and you would like
to seek Pens confidential advice - just email
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